A businessman was getting ready
to go on a long business trip.
He knew his wife was a flirtatious
sort with an extremely healthy sex
drive,
so he thought he'd buy her a little
something to keep her occupied
while he was gone.
He went to a store that sold sex
toys and started to look around.
He thought about a life-sized sex
doll, but that was too close to
another man for him.
He was browsing through the
dildo's, looking for something
special to please his wife,
and started talking to the old man
behind the counter.
He explained his situation. Well, I
don't really know of anything that
will do the trick.
We have vibrating dildos, special
attachments, and so on, but I
don't know of thing
that will keep her occupied for
weeks, except... and he stopped.
Except what? the man asked.
Nothing, nothing. C'mon, tell me! I
need something!
Well, sir, I don't usually mention
this, but there is The Voodoo
penis.
So what's up with this Voodoo
Penis? he asked. The old man
reached under the counter,
and pulled out a very old wooden
box, carved with strange symbols
and erotic images.
He opened it, and there lay an
ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and
said Big damn deal. It looks like
every other dildo in this shop!
The old man replied, But you
haven't seen what it'll do yet.
He pointed to a door and said
Voodoo Penis, the door.
The Voodoo Penis miraculously
rose out of its box, darted over to
the door,
and started pounding the keyhole.
The whole door shook wildly with
the vibrations,
so much so that a crack began to
form down the middle. Before the
door split, the
old man said Voodoo Penis, return
to box! The Voodoo Penis
stopped, levitated back to
the box and lay there quiescent
once more.
I'll take it! said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it
wasn't for sale,
but finally surrendered to USD738
in cash and an imitation Rolex.
The guy took it home to his wife,
told her it was a special dildo and
that to use it,
all she had to do was say Voodoo
Penis, my crotch.
He left for his trp satisfied that
things would be fine while he was
gone.
After he'd been gone a few days,
his wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people
who would willingly satisfy her,
but then she remembered the
Voodoo Penis. She undressed,
opened the box and said, Voodoo
Penis, my crotch!
The Voodoo Penis shot to her
crotch and started pumping. It
was absolutely
incredible, like nothing she'd ever
experienced before.
After three mind-shattering
orgasms, she became very
exhausted and decided she'd
hadenough.
She tried to pull it out, but it was
stuck in her, still thrusting.
She tried and tried to get it out,
but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgotten to tell
her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the
hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the
car and started to drive,
quivering with every thrust of the
dildo.
On the way, another incredible
intense orgasm made her swerve
all over the road.
A police officer saw this and
immediately pulled her over. He
asked for her license,
and then asked how much she'd
had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she
explained, I haven't had anything
to drink, officer.
You see, I've got this Voodoo
Penis thing stuck in my crotch and
it won't stop screwing me!
The officer looked at her for a
second, shook his head and in an
arrogant voice replied, Yeah,
right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!