Phone ringing...

Boyfriend: Hello my love!!!
Girlfriend: How R U love ?
Boyfriend: I am good and you?
Girlfriend: Not good at all..
Boyfriend: Why not babes?
Girlfriend:I need $700 for my hair...
Boyfriend: This is a voicemail service... Press 1 to end this call or 2 to leave your message...

---AN EMBARRASSING MOMENT---
I was in a public toilet and just
got started to do my business, a
voice from the next cubicle said:
"Hi !, how are you ?"
Embarrassed, I replied, "I'm doing
fine". Then the voice said "So
what are you up to ?".
I said, "Just doing the same as
you, From next door,
"Can I come over?". Annoyed, I
said
"am rather busy right now".
The voice said, "Listen, I will have
to call you back, there's an idiot
next door answering all my
questions".

One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient Mark arrives complaining of serious back
pain.
The doctor examines him and asks him:
"Tell me what happened to your back..."

Mark replies:
"Sir, I work for a local night club. This
morning, I got to my apartment early and
heard some noise in my bed room. On
entering I knew someone had been with my
wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed
out of the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I
saw a man running out and he was dressing
himself. I was very angry,.. I grabbed the
fridge and threw it at him. It was very heavy...
That is how I strained my back....!!!"

Later that day, a second patient - Bob
arrives as if he has
been in a car wreck.
The doctor said:
"My previous patient looked bad,.... But you
look terrible..... What the hell happened to
you....??"

Bob replied:
"You know I have been unemployed for a
while now...., today was the first day at my
new job..... I forgot to set my alarm and I was
late,..... I was running out of the building,
getting dressed at the same time, I was hit by
a fridge! I don't know how and where from
this fridge fell on me...!!!"

Before closing hours, the third patient Johnny comes.
He looks like he was punished in hell.
The doctor is shocked. He asked:
"What the hell happened to you....??"

Johnny replies:
"Well, It started like this: "I was in a fridge..."

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris , he finds you.

Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

Run, before he finds you.
Try a different person.
Try someone less dangerous.